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Building

up is the pressure and as it rises up inside of me I don’t know if the frustration will come out slowly or fast and quick like lightning.

And  the amount of damage that will be done just seem like I won’t have any control over it.

I just have to let it out now and just breathe through it because this one is going to be rough and really hard on me but, I know that I will get through it.

Long days and long nights when do I rest and not stress over things that I have no control over, do I continue to care or do I just let it all go because I can’t carry them and myself through this chaos.

Everything blends into each other that I can’t remember what happened the day before or the day after.

When it’s all said and done will the balance be restored or will this bridge be completely burned at the end of this story.

Will this be an experience that will haunt me for the rest of my life?

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Going in the right direction!

100 Word Wednesday: Week 76

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I don’t think I’m going in the right direction and I’m fighting to get through the mess that is surrounding me right now. 

I want to break free from it just to really catch my breath and to feel the sun on my face for more than just a few moments. 

If I hadn’t looked up that day maybe I would still be in the same space I was in and right now I just feel like things are slowly picking up even on my darkness days. 

 

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Going in the right direction!

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Celebrate

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The day you graduate from high school seems like the best moment of your life for you accomplish 12 years of school and the freedom feels so damn good right now. 

Then summer goes by and soon you starting college and it’s a new journey you are on and four years pass by so fast that you are again walking across the stage with a smile on your face and well this time freedom is a little more real. 

You feel like you’ve worked so hard for this moment and days later things just don’t seem the way you thought it would be but, embrace where takes you anyways because you know things could be worst. 

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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I just

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need to be alone right now like this picture I need to be far away from everything and everyone.

This sunset gives me the peace I’m craving for I feel like I’m surrounded by good people and then just one idiot comes along and ruins it and, I try to keep my cool but I am no ones servant on this earth other than God.

I don’t get be your babysitter and do your job for you for then I would be getting the best paycheck and would not complain or stress out over this stuff.

I just need you to check yourself and really think about what you know and what you need to know.

For I can help you but I can’t save you if you think you already know it all for not even I know all of it.

I am calm like this sunset because if I am not I know the worst is not what you would expect coming from me.

I’m like a sunrise which can be so beautiful if you are a morning person but if you’re not, nothing in the world will make you wake up to watch it.

Well when I get so mad nothing in your mind is going to be able to forget me snapping at you.

I can say sorry but the truth is you will not ever look at me the same and right now I am okay with that.

I will be the new dark cloud raining and following you through your days that you will feel like you were curse and maybe you were because making someone who tries so hard not to go to the dark side so mad.

Well I just hope you know what is in store for you because not even myself wants to go down that road which was once perfect is cracked because the real hell just raised and it will definitely take sometime to get it back down.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Long day!

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Even though I am so tired I want to walk to walk off my frustration from this day and from this week that is almost over.

How hard can I work when I physically feel my body aching and I get sick to my stomach when I think of going back, I know this is not normal but yet I put myself through this torture everyday and week.

I thought things were getting better but, now it feels like I’m living in hell full-time and there is no benefits.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Long day!

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Feel

like all the hard work I put into this space is going to fade and no one will come looking for me.

I’m here smiling and waiting with open arms to embrace someone or anyone into my life.

The space is small but welcoming and judgement is left at the door for who am I to judge you when my past and present are not pure.

I am not all innocent and have sinned and have been forgiven but, that does not mean I don’t make the same mistakes in live again.

I want to say I’m have patience and that I don’t complain a lot but that would be a lie and well I’m trying to be truthful here.

To feel like I did before when I knew and trusted that it would all work out because God knows what’s best for me.

But, the struggle is hard and the outcome is not looking that bright lately.

I’m tired and the fight in me is slowly disappearing to nothing but a cry for rest.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Alone

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Alone I sit here with no worry in the world right now, my mind hasn’t been this clear in so long.

The peace of knowing nothing will bother me as I sit here and wait for my day to pick up the pace.

No rushing for me as I look at the boat we used to paddle out together on, Oh how we wished to escape from this place that brought us more sorrow than joy in the end.

You always  smiled at me even on your worst days, you found a little joy.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Alone