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Storm

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Photo by Warren Wong on Unsplash

 

You can come into my life and try to destroy everything that you think matters the most to me.

But, the truth is the light that burns inside of me would not fade even when you think you have taken it all from me and I’m about to fall.

I will jump back up and grab on to the last thing you thought wouldn’t help me and I will build everything back up and make them ten times stronger than before.

So the next time you come around with your evil smile and laugh that haunts me some nights.

I will be prepared and ready to out shine you this time for you didn’t break me you just built me up to know that I am not as fragile as I once thought I was.

I can’t with stand whatever you throw my way and I will slap away the things that try to trick me and lock out the things that want in only to destroy everything they see me look at.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Not giving

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Photo by Jeremy Allouche on Unsplash

 

up even though I’m in my darkness moments and life just seems to suck 

and all I want to do is scream and not care about the things I’m suppose to care about. 

I just want to live in my peace and calm bubble that protects me from the crap that falls on me. 

Its like I’m trapped in the middle of a storm that just doesn’t seem to being stop anytime soon. 

I hope the sun will come out soon and I can finally get out of this place and smile as everything dries up from the storm and the birds come out again and sign a happy song as they fly from tree to tree. 

 

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Do I

belong here or should I run for the door and not deal with this anymore.

I want to run and not stay like I always do because I just need a break from the usual things I settle for.

I don’t think I can continue to be that girl you used to know because so much has happened that I don’t even know who that girl used to be.

I’m standing still and time is just passing me by and I just can’t seem to be able to break this spell that I’m stuck in.

There is no place I rather not be more than I don’t want to be here, I start to shut down just thinking about this place.

Has me going back inside my shell that protects me from all the stuff being thrown my way and at first I tried to juggle it all but, now its all falling apart.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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What a day

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Photo By Miguel Bruna via Unsplash

 

Like this path I didn’t feel like this day would ever end.

My hope for some peace and quite was not going to happen at least not today and I felt like as the day went on that I was losing my mind and no matter how hard I try things were not going to end well for me.

I don’t know why I expect more when I know the no relief is going to come for me and as my happy voice fades and the voice of defeat set in.

I don’t know how or why I put myself through this everyday and every week when I feel like there is no recovery for me and my mind is losing it’s focus and  I can’t remember what happened yesterday anymore and even though my memory is still sharp for long-term things.

My short-term memory is falling apart like everything else around me and yes I want to care and deal with it all but, sometimes I just want to be left alone and not have to answer to this crap.

I’m praying and hoping that things will charge for how much longer do I have to stand here and fight a battle that just feels like it’s not mine to fight but I am doing all the heavy lifting because they are too lazy to help out.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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As a little girl

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Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash

I always knew that I wasn’t  afraid of  what life had to offer me at a young age.

I knew that as long as I believed  I could do than it was possible and would come true and I would grow up being just who I knew I would be.

But, then came teenage years and then young adult years and then adult hood and I knew that everything I thought I would be would be not likely.

But, still possible but doubt from all the nasty words that were thrown at me at a young age made me question everything.

And even now as I sit here wondering what to do next and hope that maybe it will still work out in the end.

Kind of feels like I’m wasting my time on words and hope that may not happen because well I just don’t have the time.

For I work to pay the bills not to live out my passion and even though I work hard lately I realize it’s not worth it.

So many reasons that even if you get what you want the demons in your life can rob you of that happiness.

I know what makes me happy and I know that even though I’m helping at the end of the day I feel used and abused and the happy moments don’t out weigh the nasty/ugly moments.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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I was

told to give up on my pipe dreams and just live the life I have now.

That it didn’t matter that I was miserable because at least I had a job and money and that should be enough for me.

But, the truth is I could care less about the money because my body is overworked.

And my soul dies a little more each time I think of work or at work.

I sit here staring at nothing because I’m too tired to move and the things that I used to enjoy now  I don’t have time to care about.

I could reach out and talk to you but, I just  want quiet and soon I am all alone.

And that doesn’t bother me anymore for it’s the only time I truly feel peace and comfort.

I know I’m missing out on so much but I don’t have the fight left in me to fight to be apart of those things anymore.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Unhappy

moments keep flooding me like unwanted calls from spammers.

I keep trying to do my best what when do I decide enough is enough.

When does my happiness outweigh my loyalty

I want to break free so bad that everyday its harder to get up and do what I don’t want to do.

I want to fight back and just stay enough is enough and I don’t feel bad if you struggle because I’ve already did all the work.

No excuses will come from me and the truth is I’m done caring and I’m done protecting you when you don’t protect me in the end.

It’s a one sided lie and I’m tired of living this way and I know you won’t understand because your cold hearted and I’ve seen your true colors and I’m done so goodbye and yes I won’t miss you at all.

You will wiped clean from my memories like a virus and I will truly smile and get through my day without wondering why your still here in the first place.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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