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What a day

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Photo By Miguel Bruna via Unsplash

 

Like this path I didn’t feel like this day would ever end.

My hope for some peace and quite was not going to happen at least not today and I felt like as the day went on that I was losing my mind and no matter how hard I try things were not going to end well for me.

I don’t know why I expect more when I know the no relief is going to come for me and as my happy voice fades and the voice of defeat set in.

I don’t know how or why I put myself through this everyday and every week when I feel like there is no recovery for me and my mind is losing it’s focus and  I can’t remember what happened yesterday anymore and even though my memory is still sharp for long-term things.

My short-term memory is falling apart like everything else around me and yes I want to care and deal with it all but, sometimes I just want to be left alone and not have to answer to this crap.

I’m praying and hoping that things will charge for how much longer do I have to stand here and fight a battle that just feels like it’s not mine to fight but I am doing all the heavy lifting because they are too lazy to help out.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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I was

told to give up on my pipe dreams and just live the life I have now.

That it didn’t matter that I was miserable because at least I had a job and money and that should be enough for me.

But, the truth is I could care less about the money because my body is overworked.

And my soul dies a little more each time I think of work or at work.

I sit here staring at nothing because I’m too tired to move and the things that I used to enjoy now  I don’t have time to care about.

I could reach out and talk to you but, I just  want quiet and soon I am all alone.

And that doesn’t bother me anymore for it’s the only time I truly feel peace and comfort.

I know I’m missing out on so much but I don’t have the fight left in me to fight to be apart of those things anymore.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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You

had so much to look forward too and maybe you had it all planned out.

But, the day you prepared to walk across that stage felt like the day you had been waiting for.

You were excited and just extreme ready for this day to hurry up for you were just so ready to get it over with.

Soon it ended and the next day was a new journey for you and one that would go in a direction you never thought it would.

The struggle that became your life was overwhelming and not ending anytime soon.

You tried it all to just keep yourself together during this difficult and dark time, It was long and then the light truly shined down on you and things started to look up for you.

But, you became so busy that the little things in life seem not to be as important to you or you just didn’t have the time to enjoy them.

You wanted so bad to just have a moment of peace because you were tired of it all and no matter the little time you got off the state of your mind and body and soul were already ruined and damaged.

You still try to fix the damage that has been done because you just want to be at peace again and to just feel happy for more than two days at a time.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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A little lost

for words these days when everything starts to feel like it’s blending all together and you just aren’t spending your time wisely.

You feel like you want to do much more with what you have been offered but, because of the situation life seems to be going in you just don’t get to enjoy it as much.

You want to say more but, you’re so far from feeling like yourself that nothing seems to be helping you get out of this place where you are stuck.

Feeling like you have lost your way and this life you seem to not enjoy so much isn’t helping you find yourself or helping do much at all but feel empty at the end of the day.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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I believe

I’m in to deep and now the chains just seem so hard  to break.

But, with all the strength I have left in me I will break them and get away from this place for I just can’t do this anymore.

I walk through life walking around like a zombie with nothing on my mind but getting out of this place.

I feel like time is going by too fast and I’m just barely moving at this point and when I gaze around I truly see all the things that I am missing out on.

I regret this move and now all the cards are out of my hand and I feel like the sinkhole called my life is just getting bigger and bigger.

And my screams for help are getting too soft that no one will hear them in the end.

I am trapped and the way out just looks like a locked door that will not ever open and I will be here for the rest of my life.

That feels like misery and painful and the most stupid and ignorant people just keep kicking me around for their pain is best thrown at me for they don’t want to deal with it.

So like a human punching bag I’m kicked and punched and spit at until they feel like I will break like a worn out piece of rope.

Just one more insult and I will just snap and fall to the floor and as I become nothing more than a used up rag doll.

They won’t feel sad just feel the victory of another win well deserved in their eyes.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Daily Prompt: Assumption

I was a fool to think you would be around when I needed you

I just assumed that when you say you would always be there for me.

I thought that was you saying more than just words to me that night but, yet again you are not around.

Always coming later when I don’t need you anymore and someone else has stepped in to help.

Time went by since the last time I saw you and it was a shock to see you reaching out to me as if you truly care.

I was busy living my life and not waiting around for you to have time for me and so I missed out on being there for you and I guess you just assumed I would always be around because that’s who I was.

The one who drops everything to help you out no matter what, but that big heart of kindness died a long time ago waiting for you and now I’ll keep missing whatever and whenever you need me for I can’t be depended on anymore.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Daily Prompt: Assumption

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Daily Prompt: Mentor

Someone who taught me something I may not have figured out on my own.

They changed me from the troubled child to a good and kind Adult.

Who realizes that the things that I did in the past helped me to be better in the future and to not take crap from anything one.

I know you would be happy with who I became and I’m glad to have remembered the things you said to me those days.

You were the light to the path I thought I would not go back too but now  I’m on that path again and things have changed since last time.

Your words are the reason I have not given up on my dream and I know one day it will all work out and maybe not the way I want it too.

But it will be the best that I can do.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Daily Prompt: Mentor