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Denial

I could deny that I don’t feel like there was so much more that I needed to say before you closed your eyes and let everything go.

I could have told you the truth and maybe then we both wouldn’t be standing on two different tracks but standing together.

Maybe I wouldn’t be so sad and you wouldn’t be so mad and confused and all the answers we both needed to hear wouldn’t still be mystery to us now.

Maybe your smile would be shining so bright right now instead all I see is a frown on your face.

And maybe seeing you know surround by the people who always have your back would make me happy because, I could just walk over and join you and spend the night laughing so hard that tears comes to my eyes.

You held so much apart of my life that now it just feels like a puzzle that will always be missing the pieces that make it come together.

If only I had the courage to tell you the truth and bring us back together and be as close as we used to be.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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I know

I can’t be too sad when I dugged my own grave

With the careless words that I said that day.

Maybe, just for a moment I lost my mind but it doesn’t matter

I shouldn’t have let my emotions get the best of me.

The night was already dark and then there I go saying all

Those things.

It felt like you were walking down a hallway carrying so much and there I was

Just putting one more thing into your arms and there you went to the floor.

And no I didn’t even stop to try to help you pick up the mess I just went on with

My day with no care in the world.

Smiling to all as if I was so happy and I didn’t even seem to care that you never showed up I just was so concerned about myself.

I was selfish and my caring heart was so black from just looking out for myself that I didn’t help as many as I used too.

I had become someone I wasn’t just to survive for things were not the way I wanted them to be but, I shouldn’t have taken it all out on you.

Now I will do all that I can to gain the respect and honor to be a part of your life again.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Do you

still remember the times we laughed together and just got to know each other.

Now it feels like it was all in the past and now seeing you feels so empty and pointless, every emotion shut down.

Like I had to put myself on lockdown and you became  a stranger to me and, now  there is no reaction in me when you come around.

Your now a ghost to me and there is now no trace of you when you walk into my life now and I start to wonder if all the time we spent together was just a dream.

Because the person I see standing in front of me is not the person I thought I knew, you tower over me like a warrior in battle and  I am now the enemy and there is no way you’re letting me get close.

And in the end I just walk away and shake my head for it’s so sad for me to see you so lost that you would push me away and, I looked deep into your soul and saw no regret or emotions at all.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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I walk

in and I see you and it’s like being hit with a brick wall

these emotions of sadness wash over me like.

Someone close to me is gone and I can’t seem to figure out

what is going on and so I quickly disappear inside.

As I let myself fade into the background and this other side of me takes over

and I feel like I’m floating above myself, watching what is happening but I can’t stop anything.

The feeling doesn’t go away and I don’t seem to be able to slam back into myself again, will anyone notice I’m not me this bubble of light and giggles.

Even though the other side of me smiles it never reaching her eyes and, the laugh isn’t quite right for it’s not music to your ears.

The things about me that you look forward too doesn’t sound like they used to but you can’t quite put your finger on why I sound different.

But all I can do is hope you will realize in time and save me from this person who is like a shadow of who I am.

I am the light and without that light shining bright inside me or reaching out to you, things begin to not be the same and the once room full of joy is only half full.

Not enough to satisfy you or me or everyone else who cares and is tied to me and you, will time run out before we meet again.

For the darkness always needs a little light of hope in it, and that hope of light is me so what are you waiting for.

Come find me and bring me home again!

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Where’s my support team at!

Where were you when I needed your support?
There isn’t a day that goes by that the sadness that is now occupying the space that used to be the joy you bring.
They say it’s hard to kick an addiction or to do something like depression on your own.
But, what do you do when the people who were your support team is gone.
Not a phone call or email returned.
How long are you to wait for them to care again?
Yea we all have lives to live but when is it okay to stop caring for one either.
When do we wonder if they are okay or when do we notice they are different from before.
Or that’s strange she doesn’t usually reach out to me so many times in one week.
When did becoming an adult meant we left people behind.
Yea it can be true that some friendships don’t make it pass seven years or some don’t need to communicate so often.
But, when one reaches out can’t you at least reach back even if it’s days or weeks later.
At least they will know you tried!

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes 

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Life

How many cries for help do we miss and if someone even says cries for help do we wonder if their hinting at something.

How many people do we have to say we know to realize none of them are around when you’re at your lowest moment.

Are they knocking down walls to get to you or even giving you a call when you attempt to reach out to them.

Or are you the one months from now they wonder about.

How many will still be waiting a month from now?

Will it be too late?

Will the words ever register that there was a warning or will the signs continue to go unnoticed.

And how do we see these signs before it’s too late, some are known and some come out of no where.

But is there hope you will notice soon enough or do we get to busy to worry about others for a length of time.

 

Written: Deirdre Stokes

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Why

Am I so upset that I can’t seem to keep it inside

like I want to climb to the highest mountain and just scream

it all out.

Until I’m empty inside

No words left inside, no emotions so high

Just quite all around.

And I feel my feet on the ground again and

I am fine again at least that’s the lie I keep telling myself.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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