I know

 I’m different and yet funny and nice.

But I’m not so great at being a friend.

Or at least that’s how I feel as the doors of friendship keep shutting on me.

Maybe I withdraw from the world just a little bit too much.

I guess I’m better at disappearing into a book or a movie.

But, I’m so great if you could get past that all for I have a lot to give but shyness is a big part of who I am.

But I don’t let it slow me down for I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in this place of feeling so lost about who I am and what I meant to do.

 I know I pray and that there are few that stuck with me to the end but, maybe sometimes it would be nice to have just a little more support.


 But who knows maybe this is how it’s meant to be for just me.




Written By: Deirdre Stokes
Copyright ©️ 2019 By Deirdre Stokes


Thank you

for letting me go

for letting me down

for making me sad

for making me grow up.

For making me finally know that maybe being alone wasn’t something to fear.

For knowing I needed to be able to do things on my own and that I didn’t need anyone to fix me but, my God and to finally just be me.

For knowing that even though you would remember me for the rest of your life, I would forget you and would resent you until the last memory faded away from my mind.

And until I read some old messages between us I wouldn’t have thought of you and now I am erasing you again and I wanted to say thank you once more before I close this chapter again and bury you away again.


Written By: Deirdre Stokes

Copyright ©️ 2015 By Deirdre Stokes



go of the past again as I stubble a pond some old notes.

And for a second it feels as if I’m back in that moment and for a second I feel those emotions again.

And soon the note is falling to the ground and I don’t want to pick up again.

But I do and soon it is ripped up and is now in pieces and as I place them all in the trash.

It feels like I’ve been thrown back into the present and I’m feeling good for I know what’s in the past can’t get to me anymore.

For in the present I am and there is no going back for those moments have expired.

I have no desire to think of what if’s for I have moved forward in my life and where there used to be no answers and just questions.

Is now I have answers and still questions to ask but the peace that I longed for is more present than before.


Written By: Deirdre Stokes

Copyright ©️ 2015 By Deirdre Stokes



words keep going on even when you are gone.

Like a light left gone at night when you fell asleep as soon as your head hit the pillow.

You are like a song everything that has or will be said will be remembered and memorized until something else comes along and replaces it.

To feel like the weight of what you are is crushing me sometimes would be an understatement.

The feeling of you words is like a hand that keeps choking you only to give you a little bit of time to catch your breath before the process starts up all over again.

You are my weakness and yet I have no desire to go near you right now even if I know seeing you won’t be the end of me now.


Written By: Deirdre Stokes



This journey

david-izquierdo-796483-unsplashPhoto by David Izquierdo on Unsplash

I had to take on my own 

to find what I had lost along the way. 

The pace was slow and steady

for I had nowhere to be.

No one to impress or

worry about.

This was my time to finally find out what was

really out there waiting for me.

Even now as I am back and things

have not changed much. 

I know I can handle it all being thrown at 

me even when it hurts and leaves a scar. 

I will still hold up my head and know that 

I made it through it all at the end with some happiness shining 

down on me again. 


Written By: Deirdre Stokes



I don’t

know how to play it cool when it comes to you.

I try my best to not let things bother me when it comes to you.

But, I find it hard to just let things be when you’re so important to me that just letting things fade away.

Truly is saddening to me and yet that is how things are now.

I used to try harder to get your attention but, now I’m too tired to put in the effort I used to.

So here I stand watching what was once one of my favorite things to do just fade away like another day on this earth.

I know that I won’t forget you but, I can’t say the same for you.


Written By: Deirdre Stokes





Photo by Catherine McMahon on Unsplash


You happy when you set me free from this life you said had so much more to offer me these days.

Did you ever think about how I really would feel about you leaving me that day and how long it took me to get to this place of peace I’m living in now.

I reach up to the sky and I feel so blessed to feel the light shining down on me this day.

I know that who I am today is because of me and that day you walked away from me, made me realize how much I was leaning on you and not standing on my own two feet.

I need to be balance of myself before I could ever really lean on someone else and now I’m more happy than I could like possible.




Written By: Deirdre Stokes



As a little girl


Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash

I always knew that I wasn’t  afraid of  what life had to offer me at a young age.

I knew that as long as I believed  I could do than it was possible and would come true and I would grow up being just who I knew I would be.

But, then came teenage years and then young adult years and then adult hood and I knew that everything I thought I would be would be not likely.

But, still possible but doubt from all the nasty words that were thrown at me at a young age made me question everything.

And even now as I sit here wondering what to do next and hope that maybe it will still work out in the end.

Kind of feels like I’m wasting my time on words and hope that may not happen because well I just don’t have the time.

For I work to pay the bills not to live out my passion and even though I work hard lately I realize it’s not worth it.

So many reasons that even if you get what you want the demons in your life can rob you of that happiness.

I know what makes me happy and I know that even though I’m helping at the end of the day I feel used and abused and the happy moments don’t out weigh the nasty/ugly moments.



Written By: Deirdre Stokes




had so much to look forward too and maybe you had it all planned out.

But, the day you prepared to walk across that stage felt like the day you had been waiting for.

You were excited and just extreme ready for this day to hurry up for you were just so ready to get it over with.

Soon it ended and the next day was a new journey for you and one that would go in a direction you never thought it would.

The struggle that became your life was overwhelming and not ending anytime soon.

You tried it all to just keep yourself together during this difficult and dark time, It was long and then the light truly shined down on you and things started to look up for you.

But, you became so busy that the little things in life seem not to be as important to you or you just didn’t have the time to enjoy them.

You wanted so bad to just have a moment of peace because you were tired of it all and no matter the little time you got off the state of your mind and body and soul were already ruined and damaged.

You still try to fix the damage that has been done because you just want to be at peace again and to just feel happy for more than two days at a time.


Written By: Deirdre Stokes