It all and now when I want to stay.
You push me away
And the urge to run away is so strong.
But somehow I am still here but the long days are taking a toll on me.
I don’t know if I can push through this, this time because it’s not as easy as it was before.
Maybe I’ve fought to hard last time that my body just doesn’t know how to regain the strength I need.
And so I sit here staring out this window and wondering what now.
Written By: Deirdre Stokes
Copyright ©️ 2020 By Deirdre Stokes
Float through life lately I feel some pieces of me falling away
Like leaves from a tree when fall has finally arrived.
But that season has yet to come as spring slowly fades away and summer comes in.
From cold to warm to hot everything in my mind seems to go from thawed out to frozen to melting away.
Nothing seems as clear as before all of this and in a way I feel I found my voice again.
No longer sitting around waiting for inspiration but it showing up and taking control.
Maybe this change is what I’ve been waiting for and should embrace it and accept the pieces of me that have been left behind.
Written By: Deirdre Stokes
Copyright ©️ 2020 By Deirdre Stokes
Say I choose you always
But that would be a lie.
For I allow myself to get lost in things to avoid other things.
But it always catches up with me and so truly enjoying things are well not so much lately.
As my body betrays me and I lay awake trying everything to just fade back into a dream or into nothing.
But the minute I close my eyes they are opening again only to discover time has yet to move.
I want things to be a little different right now but it is what it is.
For I have no control over anything right now and I’m not sure how to feel about that.
Written By: Deirdre Stokes
Copyright ©️ 2020 By Deirdre Stokes
My focus has shifted when
I felt I had gain something more.
But yet again earthly things distract me from what you need me to do lord.
And I am here to gain control back because everything else seem so temporary.
And I’m looking for things that will last way past the decades to come and to land in the right place.
For I know what I am to do is more than what is happening now.
So even though I focus on somethings around me I’m else looking for more meaning in what I can do in the time given to me.
Written By: Deirdre Stokes
Copyright ©️ 2020 By Deirdre Stokes
Who wanted sleep
But now only getting hours here and there.
Falling asleep through out the day as mornings are spent tossing and turning.
So restless and feeling so hopeless with no hope insight as this is the third morning in a row.
Laying awake turning to close my eyes so hard in hope that will convince myself to fall back to sleep.
But here I am still up since waking up a little after 3am.
Tried reading and praying and yet here I am still up as a part of me begs for sleep.
Yet no relief insight as the morning comes and my responsibilities start to pile up and all I want to do is go back to sleep.
Written By: Deirdre Stokes
Copyright ©️ 2020 By Deirdre Stokes
Me to close my mouth
For you don’t want to hear what I have to say
You only want to see me and look at the eyes you love so much.
For you know the words that will come out my mouth will be the truth.
And in the end you will be hurt not me but if you want to prolong the matter.
Then I will let you have it your way one more time before I walk out that door and leave my words and you behind.
This time around.
Written By: Deirdre Stokes
Copyright ©️ 2020 By Deirdre Stokes
Look again at how your dealing with life
And everything going on around you.
You begin to wonder why you were ever focused on the wrong things.
And that it is now or never to start focusing on the right things.
And not just for yourself but to help others as well.
Maybe this enlightenment was what you needed to realize that getting older is going to be different but worth the journey.
Whether it’s good or bad for something will come of it.
Written By: Deirdre Stokes
Copyright ©️ 2020 By Deirdre Stokes
We feel when it all comes to the end?
Will we want to live a long life.
One that may require us to ask for more help than we want to.
And will we be okay with asking for help?
Because we were earlier we never seem to want to ask for help or get help when we needed it the most.
But, maybe we will change for getting older will require more from us than we thought was possible.
So how will we feel and will we accept the feeling along the way?
Written By: Deirdre Stokes
Copyright ©️ 2020 By Deirdre Stokes
Wants you to come back around.
Even if it’s just to say a simple hello and a five minute catch up.
But as time passes by it begins to miss you and the hope of there being a moment of connection is slowly going down the drain.
I know that hope alone won’t get me through this.
And knowing I won’t make the same mistakes as I’ve made before helps too.
But that doesn’t help me to stop feeling this way about you.
As minutes turn into hours and days come and go and I reach out but nothing coming back.
It goes from sunrise to sunset and then light to darkness and the mind is so tired that it can’t think anymore as I call it a night for now.
Written By: Deirdre Stokes
Copyright ©️ 2020 By Deirdre Stokes
