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Long

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Photo by Nathan Anderson on Unsplash

journey ahead of me and I’m ready to take it and get away from this place. 

I need this trip to forget all the things that I’ve been stressing about and I just want to read and lose myself in something other than my life problems and the things I want to do. 

I want to feel like I’m doing something I want to do and I’m enjoying this time that I have to myself for this trip will be so long that I won’t know what day it is and I wont have a care in the world. 

As days and weeks fly by all the matters will the be the smile on my face and laugh that seems to be always filling the air around me. 

I will smile and realize this is the sweetest and peaceful  moment in my life and I know that I’ve waited a long time for this moment to come and I wouldn’t trade it in for anything. 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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I

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Photo by Evan Kirby on Unsplash

remember the first flower you ever gave me and how you smiled so sweetly at me that day.

You melted my cold heart that day giving it back the heat it needed to keep warm and beat strong inside of me.

The days of it just being me were long ago as my days became me and you always smiling and explore new things together.

Not wasting a moment together to see and experience what life has to offer us and taking risk left and right because well we only live once.

There wasn’t a dull moment with us and every moment was worth taking a picture of for the memories were breath-taking for me.

That flower shined so bright just like you and the smile that was always pasted on your face when you saw me.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Gallery

The Colors

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Of my life have me feeling so unsettled about everything.

I’m working too hard for nothing but my own pain and sorrow.

So tired are the bones in my body that they ache now and tomorrow.

The work is not done now but, will continue tomorrow, and that’s why I’m not looking forward to what will be waiting for me.

I’m broken and tired and yet I have no  care in the world.

I’m snapping and feeling more on the edge as the day goes by.

Then there is a break and the colors of my life change to calm and relax.

And I finally feel like myself and the overwhelming feeling of stress goes away leaving me feeling better and peaceful.

I lay back and soak up all this good energy and hope like hell it keeps me safe until the colors of my life hit the line of panic in  full force next time.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Feel

like all the hard work I put into this space is going to fade and no one will come looking for me.

I’m here smiling and waiting with open arms to embrace someone or anyone into my life.

The space is small but welcoming and judgement is left at the door for who am I to judge you when my past and present are not pure.

I am not all innocent and have sinned and have been forgiven but, that does not mean I don’t make the same mistakes in live again.

I want to say I’m have patience and that I don’t complain a lot but that would be a lie and well I’m trying to be truthful here.

To feel like I did before when I knew and trusted that it would all work out because God knows what’s best for me.

But, the struggle is hard and the outcome is not looking that bright lately.

I’m tired and the fight in me is slowly disappearing to nothing but a cry for rest.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Journey

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Photo by Jad Limcaco on Unsplash

I don’t know how I feel about this journey I am on right now

I’m always mad and miserable no matter how I try to look on the bright side of things.

Because right now everything seems like it is out of my hand and there is not much I can control.

I want to scream and stop caring so much because even when I care nothing gets done and I’m left cleaning up a mess that wasn’t made by me.

I take the angry words being spit at me even though I didn’t cause the problem, how much longer do I wait for things to become better.

Is better things coming my way or am I cursed to live this life with no hope or light to guide my way in this place.

Outside the place that haunts me day and night, I sometimes have moments were I feel so alive and free.

But, in that place of darkness the sweet and kind me turns so salty and angry and I don’t want to make excuses but telling the truth isn’t really an option.

I count the days when my freedom will become permanent and not just temporary for two to three days.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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I know

you need me the most but, when do I get to rest and not feel so tired and empty.

Do I get to feel like the breeze is blowing towards me with such a nice pace instead of high winds that are always trying to knock me down.

Do I truly know you because you want to put me in a box and hope that box will keep me happy.

I haven’t wanted to get out of this box so badly before this day and I know the lord will bless me in the right direction.

For I must struggle to get the place I’m meant to be and there is nothing holding me back right now not even myself.

 

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Anywhere

I rather be right now than here in the darkness that swallows me whole with no exit insight.

I sit here trying to think of a way out because it feels like I’m suffocating on all that is pushing up against me.

This solution is not an answer to my situation and so I’m back at square one and it feels like I’m running out of time and air around me.

As I slowly fall down and down like black hole that you can’t see the bottom and so when will I hit the spot that tells me this is solved and over with.

Nothing to help me pull my way back up, right now it feels like a losing battle for me and as I fall I start to think about the things that have come before this moment and time.

Was there a time that I could have stopped myself from falling into this danger that just eats me alive and ends up with me being nothing in the end.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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